Patches O' Houlihan

Patches O' Houlihan was an ADAA champion and became a dodgeball coach for the Average Joe's from the Average Joe's Gym.

History
In a retro commercial, Patches met a kid named Timmy and told him the Five D's of Dodgeball. Now in the year 1993, Patches is a lot more gruff and over the top.

Personality
Patches is a foul-mouthed and encouraging coach.

Quotes

 * "This is Patches O' Houlihan saying take care of your balls, and they'll take care of you."
 * "I love the smell of queef in the morning."
 * "Queerbait! Go ahead!"
 * "That's what this sack of wrenches is for."
 * "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."
 * "Is it necessary to drink my own urine? No. But I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste!"
 * "If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball."
 * "Holy hell, son! You're about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop!"
 * "Where's your killer instinct, son!? You've got to get angry! You've got to get MEAN!! That's the only way you can play!"
 * "Aim low, and will someone catch a goddamn ball!? It's like watching of bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there!"
 * "Tomorrow, we're going to pecker slap those Globo Gym bastards!" (Last words)

Trivia

 * Played by Rip Torn and Hank Azaria (young).