DodgeBall Wikia

Patches O' Houlihan was an ADAA champion and became a dodgeball coach for the Average Joe's from the Average Joe's Gym.


In a retro commercial, Patches met a kid named Timmy and told him the Five D's of Dodgeball. Now in the year 1993, Patches is a lot more gruff and over the top.


Patches is a foul-mouthed and encouraging coach.


  • "This is Patches O' Houlihan saying take care of your balls, and they'll take care of you."
  • "I love the smell of queef in the morning."
  • "Queerbait! Go ahead!"
  • "That's what this sack of wrenches is for."
  • "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."
  • "Is it necessary to drink my own urine? No. But I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste!"
  • "If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball."
  • "Holy hell, son! You're about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop!"
  • "Where's your killer instinct, son!? You've got to get angry! You've got to get MEAN!! That's the only way you can play!"
  • "Aim low, and will someone catch a goddamn ball!? It's like watching of bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there!"
  • "Tomorrow, we're going to pecker slap those Globo Gym bastards!" (Last words)


  • Played by Rip Torn and Hank Azaria (young).