Patches O' Houlihan was a 7-time ADAA All-Star and an ADAA champion who later became the dodgeball coach for the Average Joe's from the Average Joe's Gym.
History[]
In a retro 1950s commercial, Patches met a kid named Timmy and told him the Five D's of Dodgeball. Now in the year 1993, Patches is a lot gruffer and over the top. He met Peter LaFleur and trained him and his team on how to play dodgeball after their embarrassing display of the sport against Troop 417.
Patches in a 1950s Dodgeball commercial
He got the team to endanger themselves just to learn how to dodge. He coached them all until the period between the semi-final and the final where he was crushed to death by a sign called "Luck of the Irish"
Personality[]
Patches is a foul-mouthed and encouraging coach.
Quotes[]
- "This is Patches O' Houlihan saying take care of your balls, and they'll take care of you."
- "I love the smell of queef in the morning."
- "Queerbait! Go ahead!"
- "That's what this sack of wrenches is for."
- "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."
- "Is it necessary to drink my own urine? No. But I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste!"
- "If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball."
- "Holy hell, son! You're about as useful as a poopy-flavored lollipop!"
- "Where's your killer instinct, son!? You've got to get angry! You've got to get MEAN!! That's the only way you can play!"
- "Aim low, and will someone catch a goddamn ball!? It's like watching of bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there!"
- "Tomorrow, we're going to pecker slap those Globo Gym bastards!" (Last words)
Trivia[]
- Played by Rip Torn and Hank Azaria (young).